from my perfect home to your permanently inferior one

20 01 2009

83320000Since nothing says Martin Luther King, Jr Day quite like Martha Stewart, today is the perfect day to reflect on her wisdom.   Each and every month I devour her magazine’s sage advice and realize that yes, I can go even further down the spiral towards perfection and yes, I can spend even more money on household and kitchen stuff because without it, clearly, I am not a good person.

One new-ish feature in the Magazine, entitled From My Home to Yours, is penned by Martha herself.  I often read it out loud to my husband so that we can mutually proclaim, “Well, at least we’re not that intense.”  This column is by far the best glimpse of just how fine the line between perfection and instability really is.  Especially recently, as she seems to be on quite the roller coaster of emotions and domesticity.

December 2008: Cookies Wrapped in the Spirit of the Season

One can never, ever say that a cookie is as good as it can be, because the addition of one little thing, such as a sprinkling of Maladon salt crystals or a teaspoon of Madagascar vanilla extract or a grating of fresh ginger instead of the store-bought powdered spice, can pretty much blow the taste buds away.

I have become somewhat of a faux-bois freak during the past few years, so the wood-grain design became central to this year’s cookie theme. (emphasis mine)

Commentary: Perhaps it’s only noteworthy to someone like me, an almost thirty-something professional who talks like an enthusiastic and dramatic teenager, but to read Martha use the phrase “pretty much blow away” (a la Napoleon Dynamite) and “freak” within two sentences made me laugh out loud.  It had me convinced that she was lightening her voice and approach to her obsessions a bit, until the 2009 issues started arriving in my mailbox.

January 2009: My Matter-of-Fact, 10-Step Plan for Healthy Living

My day starts at 5:30 A.M…I shower, wash my hair, dress, and am out the door to the gym three houses away…

Commentary: Who showers and washes their hair before they work out?  Clearly, she is a time traveler.  I just don’t know what else to say.

February 2009: Taking the Problems Out of Packing (AKA how to make everyone hate you when you travel)

I always watch my luggage like a hawk–I do not let hotel bellmen whisk it away for later delivery to my room.  I stay with it and insist on accompanying it to my room.  In taxis and limos, I watch how it is stored so that nothing is ever crushed or damaged.

Security Measure: Many luggage locks are forbidden under security regulations.  So I tie the zipper pull tags on my suitcase together with a piece of waxed twine.  That way, I can tell if it’s been opened.

Commentary: Meanwhile, my suitcase is an ancient artifact from the thrift store that still has the grease pen price of $5.95 written on it.  I have never seen a bellman.  Nor have I been in a limo.  I’d be so super afraid of dealing with any of Martha’s luggage.  OMG if you worked for the airline that accidentally broke her twine?  The horror.

I still love Martha Stewart though.  She has really helped me to enrich my life and the lives of those around me.  I have four absolutely perfect words to conclude this post: Chewy Chocolate Ginger Cookies.




5 responses

20 01 2009

I don’t think she’s going to the Y to workout, either – “the gym three houses away”? Seriously? I’m surprised she doesn’t have her own tricked out gym avec pool and sauna in her own swank home (complete with a trainer named Lance).

20 01 2009

For the record, I shower before I work out too. Although only because the library doesn’t have showers.

20 01 2009

love this post – i am with cat surprised she doesn’t have a full gym in her house and with you – can’t imagine showering pre-workout.

oh martha. she’s so neurotic but how i love her

20 01 2009

i dont know how to get that grease pen off my stuff! and yes martha is a(n awesome, inspiring, genius) psychopath

5 04 2009
Top 10 Home Office Hacks |

[…] from my perfect home to your permanently inferior one « wake up maggie […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: